Doing an End-of-Life Review
How will I be remembered?
When facing one’s own mortality, it is common to wonder, “Will anyone remember me when I am gone?” or “How will people remember me?” A life review helps us look back on our lives and shape our memories to enrich the meaning of our life. It is a process of reflecting on the experiences, accomplishments, and challenges that have shaped who we are. It can be a valuable tool for gaining insight and perspective to find purpose in our lives.
How do you want to be remembered?
Often life reviews happen informally through reminiscing over photos or objects that have meaning, but interviews can be a more formal way of conducting a life review, often for the purpose of creating a legacy project.
“Legacy is about life and living. It's about learning from the past, living in the present, and building for the future.”
— Susan Bosak with Legacy Project
A legacy passed on through storytelling
My first End-of-Life Review
The first time I helped with a life review was when I was eleven years old. My maternal grandmother (Grandma) came to live with us, so we could take care of her while she was dying of cancer. I spent most of my free time with her, and this time with her formed my favorite childhood memories. I loved to jump up on the bed with her and listen to her stories as we sorted through jewelry boxes or old letters and photos. I believe my love for spending time with elders and hearing their stories grew from these intimate moments with my Grandma.
Storytelling is a long-standing tradition and an essential part of human culture. It has been passed down from generation to generation, providing a way for people to communicate their experiences, knowledge, and wisdom to others. Stories help us understand ourselves and the world around us and connect us to our past and cultural heritage.
Through the many hours I spent with my grandmother at her bedside, I learned about her life and was inspired by her courage and self-empowered nature that enabled her to live a life outside the norms for a woman of her time. I have carried these stories, gifts given to me while tending to my dying grandmother, as models of living life to the fullest for nearly four decades now.
My Grandma, Maude Elizabeth Norup
Maude Elizabeth Norup, known to her friends and family as Beth, was born in 1905 and died in 1984 at the age of 79. Her parents were Scandinavian immigrants, and she grew up in Maryland, one of four daughters. As a young woman in the 1920s, she opted for the single life of a career woman over what was expected of her; to marry and have children. She worked as a secretary for a lumber company, which eventually led to an opportunity to move to California. Single until her mid-thirties and considered a spinster, a label she was proud of, she enjoyed life on her terms. She eventually became a mother in her early forties and passed on her attitude that women can do and become whatever they want. Her unquenchable spirit for living life to the fullest lives on through her daughter, granddaughter, and great-granddaughter. That is her story and how she is remembered. Her legacy was passed on through storytelling and informal life review as she was facing her final days.
How to do your own End-of-Life Review
Whether you are helping someone with their life review or you are working on your own, here are some tips to guide you on your journey:
Set aside dedicated time
It's important to set aside dedicated time to focus on your life review. Choose a time when you are not likely to be interrupted and make sure that you have enough time to reflect on your life experiences.
Gather materials
Gather materials that will help you with your life review. These may include old photographs, journals, letters, or any other items that hold special meaning to you.
Reflect on your life experiences
Take some time to reflect on your life experiences. Think about the different stages of your life, the people who have been important to you, the challenges you have faced, and the accomplishments you have achieved.
Focus on the positive
While it's important to acknowledge the challenges and difficulties you have faced, try to focus on the positive aspects of your life. Think about the moments of joy, love, and success that have brought meaning to your life.
Write down your thoughts
Writing down your thoughts can be a helpful way to organize your reflections and gain clarity. Consider keeping a journal or writing down your thoughts in a letter to yourself.
Seek support
Doing a life review can be an emotional process, so it's important to seek support if you need it. Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist if you feel overwhelmed or need someone to talk to.
Find meaning and purpose
Finally, use your life review to find meaning and purpose in your life. Think about the lessons you have learned, the values you hold, and the goals you want to achieve. Use this insight to move forward in a positive and meaningful way.
“Carve your name on hearts, not tombstones. A legacy is etched into the minds of others and the stories they share about you.”
— Shannon Adler
written by
Erica Zizak MA, CT
Erica is a Certified Thanatologist with over ten years of experience working with individuals facing end-of-life and grieving.
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